Shinigami Baby's Anime "How-To" Show
by Shinigami Baby
Summary: Some anime characters put on an educational show courtesy of yours truly =~_^= R&R!!!


Since the fics in the Gundam Wing section have become nothing more than annoying clichés, pairing the pilots with the likes of SailorMoon and Tenchi, I've decided to shy away from there for a while (except for the people I have on AuthorAlert, anyway), maybe for good. Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho, Fushigi Yuugi, Rurouni Kenshin, or Neon Genesis Evangelion... although to own Sanosuke would be...well... really really nice =d  
  
Warnings: language, violence, and Yaoi hints for Kurama and Hiei (aren't they just sooooo cuuuuute!?!?).  
  
  
"Shinigami Baby's Anime 'How To' Show"  
by Shinigami Baby (duuh) =^_^=  
  
  
(There's a close-up of a tool belt on a work bench and there's cheesy music playing in the background before it fades to black and we see Kurama smiling happily.)  
  
Kurama: (dressed in a flannel shirt and jeans with a tool belt on)"Hiiiii! Welcome to our section of the show: 'How To Tile Your Bathroom'! With me as always is my Hiei!" (gets all sparkly)  
  
(Camera looks around, in search of Hiei, then pans down beside Kurama.)  
  
Hiei: (in Oshkosh B'Gosh overalls and a white T-shirt) "Make one crack on this outfit and I will demolish this whooole studio."  
  
(Camera nods nervously)  
  
Kurama: (patting Hiei on the shoulder) "Aww, c'mon Hiei, I think you look cute."  
  
Hiei: (annoyed) "Keep it up, fox, and it's the couch for you tonight."  
  
Kurama: (instantly stops his teasing) "So anyway, today we'll show you how to tile your bathroom! It's really fun and super-easy if you have the patience for it."   
  
Hiei: (bending over to get a tile sample)  
  
Kurama: (staring like a pervert)  
  
Hiei: (standing back up with the piece of tile) "This is the kind of tile we'll be using in our master bathroom, isn't it ni----aaaaah! KURAMAAAA!"  
  
Kurama: (glomping onto Hiei) "I can't help myself, you just looked so yummy when you bent over!"  
  
Hiei: (trying to pry Kurama off him) "We....nnnngh..... have a show..... rrrrrrraaagh.... To.... Do!" (successfully gets away and locks himself in the shower stall.)  
  
Kurama: "Don't be such a prude, Hiei!" (bangs on the shower door)  
  
Hiei: (folding his arms) "We aren't getting paid to screw in Shini-chan's bathroom!"  
  
Kurama: (pressing his face against the glass in some futile attempt to get closer to Hiei) "We aren't getting paid at all, now let me in!!!"  
  
Hiei: (sudden realization) "We aren't?"  
  
Kurama: (Shakes his head) "No."  
  
Hiei: (pulls Kurama into the shower with him)  
  
Kurama: "Wheee!"  
  
(Fade to Black)  
  
  
(Camera focuses on a red-head Neko-Shoujo, who looks very apologetic)  
  
Shinigami Baby: "I apologize for the scene that just went on. Here I am thinking I can put a nice, educational show on... and those two decide they'd rather screw. Sorry about that, minna!" (bows in apology as screen fades to black)  
  
  
(Close up of a VCR blinking "12:00 AM" over and over)  
  
Amiboshi: (sticking his face in the camera) "Does your VCR piss you off with that damn '12:00' blinky thing? Well, my dear brother and I..." (winks off camera) "... will show you how to fix this little everyday annoyance. I am Amiboshi and today I'm here with Suboshi."  
  
Suboshi: (playing with one of his 'Yo-yo's of Death') "Hi." (waves and puts an arm around his brother) "Let's get to it, ne?"  
  
Amiboshi: (nods and whips out the instruction booklet) "Use your remote control and hit the 'Menu' key."  
  
Suboshi: (looking around) "I can't find it..."  
  
(Shini-chan's dog, Moki-chan trots off camera, the remote in her mouth... bad doggy...)  
  
Amiboshi: (scratching his head) "Well, maybe you can do it from the VCR..."  
  
Suboshi: (walks over to the VCR and examines it)  
  
Amiboshi: (continuing to read) "Go to the 'Menu' and select the 'Set Clock' option, then punch in the desired date and time..."  
  
Suboshi: (muttering to himself) "I don't see anything like that...."  
  
Amiboshi: "Once you do this, hit 'Enter' to confirm your actions. Then it should read the correct time. The En- Brother!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?"  
  
Suboshi: (flinging his Yo-Yos at the VCR) "DAMNABLE TECHNOLOGY!" (smashes the VCR repeatedly)  
  
Amiboshi: (dragging his brother away from the offending VCR) "Brother, stop it!"  
  
Suboshi: (to the VCR) "I'll KILL you!!!"  
  
Amiboshi: "SUBOSHI STOP IT!"  
  
Suboshi: (breaks away) "DIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!!!" (VCR is broken into millions of pieces)  
  
(Screen fades to black)  
  
  
Shinigami Baby: "Don't blame me! You think I plan this shit out!?"  
  
  
(Screenshot of Shinigami Baby's Jeep)  
  
Sanosuke: (climbing in slowly as he looks around for the suspicious neko-shoujo) "Uhhhh.... Hi. I'm Sano and this guy is Kenshin..." (points to Kenshin)   
  
Kenshin: (waves cutely)  
  
Sano: (sitting in the driver's seat carefully and fastening his seatbelt) "We're here to teach you how to drive...."  
  
Kenshin: (getting in on the passenger's side) "Actually, Sano is going to take Shini-chan's jeep to the junk yard and sell the parts so he won't have to suffer through her driving anymore..."  
  
Sano: (clamps his hand over Kenshin's mouth) "WE'RE HERE TO TEACH YOU HOW TO DRIVE" (big fake smile)  
  
Kenshin: (nods quickly as he whips out an instruction manual) "First, make sure your seat and mirrors are adjusted to the appropriate height..."  
  
Sano: (pushes the seat all the way back and screws around with Shini-chan's mirrors) "Check..."  
  
Kenshin: "...then fasten your seatbelt...." (fastens his as he reads)  
  
Sano: "Already did that."  
  
Kenshin: (reading out loud) "Put the key in the ignition..."  
  
Sano: (waves around Shini-chan's SailorUranus keychain-ed keys) "She likes Haruka the bestest..."  
  
Kenshin: (sweatdrops) "...put the key in the ignition..."  
  
Sano: (does so) "Got it..."  
  
Kenshin: "Turn."  
  
Sano: (turns it)  
  
(Jeep roars to life, both bishounen cringe, hoping that Shinigami Baby can't hear it...)  
  
  
In the house...  
  
Shinigami Baby: (in the shower, washing her hair and singing into her back scrubber) "Iiiiiiiif ya want my boooody aaaaand you think I'm seeeexy, coooooome on baby leeet meeee knooooooowwwww...SHIT!!!!! I GOT SHAMPOO IN MY EYES!!!! GYAAAAHHHHH!!!!"  
  
  
Back out in the driveway...  
  
Kenshin: (reads instructions carefully)  
  
Sano: (screwing around with the radio)  
  
Radio: (blares the Munster's TV Theme song)  
  
Kenshin & Sano: (looking at eachother rather confused) "What the fuck!?"  
  
Distant voice coming from down the street: "KEEEEEEEEEEEENSHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIN!"  
  
Sano: (taking all the safety measures, backing the jeep out slowly, watching for traffic...)  
  
Kenshin: (looking around scared) "...It... it's Kaoru-dono...."  
  
Sano: (shrugs as he drives 10 MPH in a 35 zone) "Ahh... it's nice to go slow for a change..." (drums his hands on the steering wheel)  
  
Kaoru's voice, getting ever-closer: "Keeeeeeeenshiiiiiiiiiinnnnn...."  
  
Kenshin: (breaking out in a nervous sweat) "Sano, you could go just a little faster, you know..."  
  
Sano: (staring at him disbelievingly) "This is very theraputic for me! DON'T RUIN MY MOMENT!"  
  
Kenshin: (gets all chibi) "Oroooooooooooo...."  
  
Kaoru: (waving from down the street) "Keeeeenshiiiiiin!"  
  
Kenshin: (ducks down, moves Sano's foot off the gas pedal and presses his hand down on it, causing the jeep to shoot up the street)  
  
Sano: (screaming like a girl)  
  
Kenshin: "KEEP HER AWAAAAY!"  
  
Kaoru: (in hot pursuit on a pogo-stick) "I'll catch up to you!"  
  
Kenshin: (leans over, and accidentally knocks the jeep into reverse)  
  
The jeep tires squeal a moment before going in the opposite direction... Sanosuke has long since passed out from the stress and the jeep is headed straight for Kaoru... who is too stupid to get out of the way...  
  
Kaoru: "Yay! You came back to meee!"  
  
Kenshin: "Orooooooooo!"  
  
(fade to black just before the jeep's bumper and Kaoru's stupid face connect...)  
  
  
Shinigami Baby is seated on a lounge chair in some tropical place with a rather large mixed drink in her hand.  
  
Shinigami Baby: "Ahhh... who knew I could have made so much money for killing off Kaoru?"  
  
Kaworu(the bishounen tenshi from Neon Genesis Evangelion): (shrugs) "I don't know"  
  
Shinigami Baby: (sits up) "Oi, I never said you could stop fanning me, Kaworu!"  
  
Kaworu: (cowers) "Yes, ma'am..." (goes back to fanning her with a big... leaf thingie...)  
  
~*~*~*~*~*OWARI~*~*~*~*~*  
  
  
=^_^= Not all that great, but it's my first fic in a while. Read and Review!!! Jaaa!  
  
~Your neko and mine.... Err wait, can I be my own neko? (rummages through her papers...) Hn... apparently I can! =^_^= Sugoi! * ahem * Your neko and mine (waves around her papers),  
Shinigami Baby   
=^.~=  
  
  



End file.
